April 9, 2012, 6:16 pm. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Personally, I wouldnt. He says he cant stand her? Privacy Policy. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. let us know if he had). By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. If there is no child at conception Is this a valid summary? am . That is called deception. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. LW, why are you directing all of your anger at this other woman? Because thats really not that old. Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. "Cry, vent and . The last time I checked it took more than one person to make a baby. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments Get over yourself and get over him. Its just biological fact- unfair probably, but not something we can change. And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. It just pays. evanscr05 People think LW is out of line, because she has no right to be pissed at this women for wanting to keep a child, and no right to make up reasons why she is having this baby in the first place. Move on. Let him go. It's not that bad (though I'll take an IUD's 0.6%, thanks). Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. It is quite possible to become pregnant on the pill.
I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Sue Jones You seem too whiny for most womens taste. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. Crazy likes crazy. I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) He said he still loves me and that he didnt love her, and it was a mistake. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. Men will never have to make that choice.
Of course it is, but we have no way of knowing that the other woman was lying about that. He says he told her hes not happy about this pregnancy and didnt want a baby and asked her to abort as he was 40 years old. Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? The sex was good. I hope you make sure he gets tested for STIs before you sleep with him again. Wrapping it up doesnt prevent pregnancy. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. So for someone I love and care deeply about, its enjoyable. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. He knew it but was willing to take that risk just like any man does when they engage in sex with a woman. Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. I weep for the younger folks out there. You experience a myriad of emotions, and sometimes, you feel guilty or even blame yourself for why the relationship ended.This is all the more reason why it feels like a big fat kick in the teeth to discover that your ex is an overlapper: s(he'd . They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) He says he wants me, but Im afraid if she keeps trying to get back with him she will succeed one day. =), lets_be_honest He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. React. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. So your boyfriend said he wants nothing to do with his own child (except the required child support) and that didnt make you run screaming the other way? Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. Child support is, indeed, a lottery win for women, by which they compel men who had nothing to do with their lifestyle choices to support their lifestyle choices in the manner to which they have become accustomed. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. No, honey, I am not and I dont believe HmC is either. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. All that does is make 3 people miserable (both parents plus the child). That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. lets_be_honest They are all pointing out that the bf is equally responsible for the childs existence and should respect her right to choose.Not only that but they advise the LW to consider her bf role in this drama and not take her anger out on the pregnant woman (who owes her nothing), John Rohan And maybe she is a harlot of sorts. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. Child support is nice, but a father it does not make. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. The prohibition against abortion is taken far more seriously by some than the religious prohibition against non-marital sense. I gave him a green flag to make his decision and let him off the hook for any and all care and support, so long as such decision was irrevocable. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. Baby, our apartment isnt big enough for a baby. lets_be_honest Addie Pray Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! Your welcome. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. A mans legal obligation to support his children is not some well hidden secret and nowhere is it mentioned that hes being asked for anything more. Jimmy and Susie are in love. You have to give up one or the other. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. What the fuck ever. His? He can bang the neighbor, the lunch lady, and his friendly neighborhood bartenderwhoever. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. Nope, none of it matters. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. I think the LW and her ex would do better to break up for good. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. The dude having sex is not my issue. ele4phant We all know breakups are painful. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? 6napkinburger (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). Furthermore, why does this child need two parents? Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! Story. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. Even if she was lying about being on birth control. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? He didnt expect that to happen. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. lets_be_honest If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Seriously this is skeeving me out. He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. And hopefully this childs mother will, too. lets_be_honest I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. lets_be_honest 12, 14, and 16 year old girls are statutorily raped, too, and their rapists? I dont know. This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. He probably knows shell be a lousy mother. AndreaMarie This whole thing could have been prevented that way. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. Iwannatalktosampson Like being pregnant isnt massively uncomfortable. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. But, they both had lawyers. RunsWithScissors April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. . I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. You and John are both arguing something that nobody else is. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Cant thank you enough for your response! This is your CHILD. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? Theres a fun scenario. You sound awfully bitter to me. John Rohan Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners.
Who then supports the child that the man made? Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. iseeshiny That goes for women as well. Thats the risk that you take. I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. Guess what LW? She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. It was her choice. lets_be_honest meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. I agree Savannah. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. April 10, 2012, 7:21 pm. iseeshiny If you dont want a baby use birth control. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying.